Turns out, dating apps are another area where, if you analyze what works and what doesn’t and come to some important conclusions, you can understand why you’re still single, what others are looking for, that it’s completely normal to be doing this and that almost anyone else is, and much more. In fact, it took me one year to feel comfortable talking about it openly, to free my mind of doubts and negative thoughts and to just reach out to new people and start interesting conversations, to stop judging and expecting, and to just go out with the women that seem promising and see where that can go. There is a way to do online dating wrong. And again, it’s all in your mind. If you’re not open about this, if you aren’t confident about yourself, if you feel like a failure for using such an app, then it’s no wonder that you will never say the right things in a chat and no person would be interested in going out with you, no matter how good your photos look. So, to save you all that, here are some important life lessons I learned during the year of using dating apps that will help you find someone to date much sooner:
1. Friendships can come out of this too
In the beginning, I was desperately looking for a hot woman to go out with, maybe it was like a quest most men go on, or maybe I was just insecure. But it took me months of being tired of looking for this type of woman, to find out that almost anyone can entertain you, teach you something, or even become your friend. Dating apps are about forming a relationship, and love isn’t always the end result. I’ve started a few friendships with women because of that, and I don’t regret it.
2. Failure is not an option
If you’re starting a business, investing all your money in it, telling everyone you’ll succeed, and more, there’s a high chance you can fail and lose a lot. But with online dating, that’s just not the case. Why? Because if someone rejects you or things just don’t work out, you don’t have a relationship in the first place so you’re basically not losing anything you had. That’s comforting but it can take a while to truly grasp it.
3. You brush up on your skills over time
If you think you suck at online dating, you’ll just have to trust me that you don’t. You lack practice. It’s like taking up a new hobby or sport. You can’t really level up from day one. It takes work, effort and dedication. But each time you do it, you get better at it. So my point is, give dating apps some time, don’t give up after the first few failed attempts. Here’s what you’ll notice after a few weeks:
talking to strangers gets easier; you get better at starting conversations; you learn what questions to avoid and what grabs women’s attention; you feel more confident talking about yourself; you become a better storyteller; you aren’t afraid of rejection; and more.
4. How the other person communicates is key
Sometimes the chat will be boring, or meaningless, and basically go nowhere. Spare yourself the awkward first and only date, and just move onto the next person. Sure, the very first sentence might not be the best catchphrase, but if you’ve been chatting for a day or two and you still feel like anything you or she/he says is just out of place, don’t overthink it. Just accept the fact that this is not the right fit and chat with somebody else.
5. Honesty is good
You might be a player and used to exaggerating the truth and using manipulation to get a woman. But that just doesn’t work in the long run. If you’re using dating apps to find a quality person who’s smart, ambitious, charming and open-minded, you’ll have to start the whole thing by simply being yourself. Some people get it wrong from the creation of the profile. Don’t overdo it, though. Even if you put yourself in the best possible light, most people you connect with will immediately feel there’s something fishy. But being honest about yourself, your life, your achievements, and anything else, goes a long way. For a start, it makes it easier for the other person to see if she/he really wants to continue communicating with you. Then, it shows respect. So, whenever in doubt, just be honest, say things directly, don’t hide something that’s a big part of your life, and don’t lie in your profile. These important life lessons should be enough to get you ahead of others in the online dating game. Meanwhile, don’t forget to have fun. Meet great people, go out with some, learn more about their lives, make new friends, improve your approach, get better at dating, and – eventually – find your soul mate online.
